I made a short film about gender identity and staged performances. I drew inspiration from fellow trans creators and artists: Judith Butler, a philosopher and gender studies scholar, and SOPHIE, a music producer who tragically passed away in 2021. The backing music to my film is a portion of SOPHIE's song “Faceshopping.” At the beginning, I introduce the Butler quote: “Gender is in no way a stable identity or locus of agency from which various acts proceed; rather, it is an identity tenuously constituted in time— an identity instituted through a stylized repetition of acts" (from Performative Acts and Gender Constitution: An Essay in Phenomenology and Feminist Theory). The flashing text later on in the film are the lyrics to the SOPHIE song (the vocals are highly distorted and difficult to hear; I placed the lyrics in sync with where they are sung). Butler's writing in Performative Acts and Gender Constitution made ingenious connections between gender and theater through the concept of "performance acts" and the stage. SOPHIE's song "Faceshopping" has many interpretations, but generally can be considered commentary on social media and self expression. 

I filmed my project in the Brooklyn College Department of Theater's lighting lab with the help of my friend and classmate Grace Loeb, and I programmed the lights using an ETC Ion console. I stood in the center of the space, as if I was on a stage, and utilized rhythmic flashing to emulate the feeling of a live concert. I played with direction of light to reveal and conceal my face in different moments. I also switched between unedited footage and clearly altered monochromatic clips. These design choices were meant to emphasize the distinctions between reality and perception, and the relationship between privacy and performance.

As a transgender person who exists in a predominantly cisgender world, I am constantly aware of the way that I am performing my own gender.  As a lighting designer, I am always thinking about how I can emphasize a performer's emotions and experiences to a broader audience. For this project, I stepped into the role of the performer (something I don't often do) and carried with me my lived experience as a trans person. I hope that this film is able to give its viewers a perspective on gender and performance that they hadn’t necessarily thought about before.